Valentine's Day Dranks
I HEAR YA.
Growing up with a Valentine’s Day birthday meant giving out cards and candy to others, when really all I wanted to do was shout out that it was my birthday at the top of my lungs. Today, I’m much more civilized: I tell complete strangers that it’s my birthday whether they want to hear it or not (New Yorkers love this). It can be the cashier at my favorite ramen place, the guy inappropriately #manspreading on the subway seat next to me, or my personal favorite, random doorman that I pass along 5th Avenue (shout out to Ramon on W. 59th St!). I've also been known to grab a cocktail (or three) with someone I’ve just met in order to start out the conversation with "It's my birthday today...". Not only does this make people feel immediately uncomfortable but they'll most likely buy you a drink. I've pretty much mastered this mind game to the point where now I use it as a way to approach first dates. Hey, some poor guy won't know when my actual birthday is (unless he's a complete stalker, which I'm not mad at this point in my life) - plus it weeds out the douchebags who go dutch on the first date. Which leads me back to the ultimate dating holiday - Valentine’s Day. I plan on drowning my single sorrows with some Valentine’s Day cocktails. Join me!
The Sassy Lassie
This will impress any dude (mainly because there’s Scotch in it)
2 oz. Usquaebach Reserve blended Scotch whisky (Manly liquor designated for those who own homes with libraries and fireplaces in them or Ron Burgundy)
1 oz. Amaro Lucano (This is NOT an Instagram filter. I repeat. This is NOT an Instagram filter)
2 Strawberries (These are large berries with little green hats on them)
Dash of Chocolate Bitters (Dark chocolate’s slutty liquid cousin)
Shaved Dark Chocolate (Please don’t add an entire chocolate bar’s worth unless you also want to gain 5 pounds)
Slice of Strawberry (This is what adults use as a garnish)
Add strawberries and bitters to a mixing glass and muddle. Add ice, scotch, and amaro. Stir until very cold. Strain into a cocktail coupe (not a small car filled with booze but a short-stemmed glass). Garnish with chocolate shavings. Fit strawberry slice onto the rim of the glass (or skip this step and shove it in your mouth).
IN NEW YORK CITY? STOP BY LES HALLES AND ASK FOR THE SASSY LASSIE ($15). TELL THEM I SENT YOU. 🍓
Kiss Me Mule
Perfect drink to walk your mule around with (And by mule, I mean your Valentine)
2 oz. Four Roses Bourbon (No roses were hurt in the making of this alcohol)
1 oz. House Lemonade (Not to be confused with “home” or “abode” lemonade)
.5 oz. Pure Cane Simple Syrup (You can make this yourself or just steal some from Starbucks)
Strawberries (If you don’t know what these are we have a bigger problem [see above])
Basil (Oregano’s more fun sibling)
Ginger Beer (No booze in this bottle. Sorry, folks.)
Combine bourbon, lemonade, and simple syrup. Muddle basil and strawberries together and top cocktail off with ginger beer and garnish with strawberry on rim.
IF YOU KNOW ME, YOU KNOW I LOVE A GOOD MULE. MY NAME IS PONY AFTER ALL.* THE FOLKS OVER AT JACOB'S PICKLES ON THE UPPER WEST SIDE HAVE SHARED THEIR VALENTINES VERSION CALLED KISS ME MULE. IF YOU LIKE GINGER BEER AND BOURBON, YOU'RE IN LUCK.
*THIS REFERS TO MY COLLEGE NICKNAME THAT HAS STUCK WITH A HANDFUL OF PEOPLE. SOMETIMES I ALSO #NAY.
El Pepino Fresco
Fresh cucumber (Ladies, don't immediately grab those cukes and put them on you eyes - it will sting)
2 pc. Cucumber
1 oz. Fresh Lime
½ Simple Syrup
½ St. Germain (not a fluffy dog that likes to also moonlight as a police officer)
2 oz. Tequila (Use Patron. Duh.)
Shaken, strained, rocks, kd, Peychaud’s bitters float, and cucumber.
THE ONLY TIME I EVER DRINK SOMETHING WITH CUCUMBER IN IT IS AT THE SPA. HOWEVER, THE GANG OVER AT RANDOLPH BROOME HAVE CREATED THE EL PEPINO FRESCO FOR ALL THE LOVERS OUT THERE. THIS IS A COCKTAIL I'D LIKE TO THINK AMY SCHUMER WOULD BE DROWNING IN WHILE BERATING HER MASSEUSE.